Cakes were made to be eaten, not collected.

For some of you, what I am about to write might sound very disturbing. To others, very familiar.
If you are bothered at any point by what I am writing, then please read on. I just have to get some stuff off my chest now.

So here we go...

--------------------------

"What are your goals?" He asked.
"My goals"?
"Yeah, unless you know where you're going, you won't know how to get there."
"I guess my goal is quantity, quality and variety. My goal is to make out with women I just met, get blow jobs in club bathrooms, sleep with a different woman every night, and find myself in strange sexual adventures with multiple women."
He sat in silence, listening, so I continued. I'd never articulated it before, either out loud or to myself. This was several years ago, just after I discovered the Rosetta Stone of attraction in the form of an underground society of master pickup artists. "I want to corrupt young virgins, reawaken passions in bored housewives, seduce and be seduced by stars, students, centerfolds, busineswomen, and Tantric godesses. And then, from amongst these women, I will choose one to love."
"How will you know when you've found her?" He asked.
"I guess I'll just know, because I won't want to be with other women anymore."
"Well, that sounds like a good plan. And it makes sense to a certain point." I waited. I knew he was about to find the flaw in my logic.
"But what happens after a year or two years, and the sex isn't as exciting anymore? What happens if you have a child with her, and she becomes less available for you emotionally and sexually? What happens if you go through a rough patch and start fighting all the time?"

"If those things happened, I'd probably want to sleep with other women." I watched him as he lifted his legs off the floor and crossed them on the couch in a position of spiritual superiority.
"But I'd just have to control myself. I suppose I could think of other women like cigarettes. Even though I desired them, I would refrain from indulging because I'd know it was bad for the health of the relationship."
And then I waited for it, the inevitable question. He was a music producer, yet he never seemed to work. Instead, I'd meet him at his house in Brussels, and we'd spend hours discussing the meaning of life while his Indian houseboy brought us bottles of water and plates of vegan food.
"So, " he said, " you'd be okay spending the next fifty years sleeping with only one woman?"
He walked me into the weakness in my romantic strategy, and probably in most men's.

I love women's laughter.
I love their lips, their hips, their skin, their touch, the way their faces look when they're in the throes of sexual ecstacy. I love the way they nurture, feel, care, intuit, understand unconditionally.

I yearn to create that bubble of passion, which draws us into the moment and connects us to the energy of he universe. And I cherish, more than anything, the moment in bed right after the first time, when all that there is to hold on to has been given.
"Well that would be difficult for me, " I admitted. " Ideally I'd like to be able to have my cake and eat it."
"I think that's a reasonable request, " he said. " After all, cake was meant to be eaten. Who actually orders a cake, then doesn't touch it?
"So what you are saying is that there's a way to be in a commited, loving relationship, yet still sleep with other women??"
" I didn't say that. All I said is that there is a way to have a cake and eat it."
"How? Even a monogamous relationship is a challenge. That's why twenty-five percent of all crimes are domestic violence, that's why the divorce rate is fifty percent, that's why the majority of most men and woman have cheated. Maybe the relationship paradigm that's been forced on us by society isn't natural."
He looked at me disapprovingly.
I continued anyway.
"Even if you're faithful for those fifity years, you still may check out a woman walking by or leaf through a copy of Maxim or look for porn on the internet one night. And this IS going to make your partner feel like she's not enough for you."
"This is true. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're partner doesn't feel secure."
"Exactly. So, considering the the nature of men, how is it possible to make a woman feel secure in a relationship?"
"Probably by not wanting to have your cake and eat it, " he said.
"But that's not natural. You just said that cake was meant to be eaten."
"Well then, " he said, "you'll have to find a way to eat it without hurting someone you love."
I hated him sometimes. For being right.
In the days that followed, I sifted through the conversations in my mind, searching for answers. I talked to men and women everywhere I went, asking each the same question: " If you didn't have to worry about having children and you didn't need someone to take care of you when you were older, would you still get married?"
Most men said no. Most women said yes.
And that's when I realized that the traditional relationship model is defined by a woman's needs, not a man's.
Then I started asking a new question:
"Let's say you met someone, clicked on every possible level, and wanted to date this person. But the person said that after two years, he or she would disappear from your life forever and there was nothing you could do about it. Would you still date this person?"
Most women said no. Most men said yes - some even said the scenario would be ideal.

So where does that leave the "one woman, one man, happily ever after" myth that is the basis of our entire civilization? Apparently, on an unbalanced scale, because the natural insticts of men seem to be to alternate between periods of love relationships and periods of hedonistic bachelorhood, with some traumatized kids thrown in as an evolutionary imperative.

When I next met my friend, I shared my conclusion. "That's kind of sad way to live one's life, " he said.
"Yeah, and the problem is that's exactly how I've been living mine. Except for the kids part. I don't want to traumatize them, so I'm waiting until I figure out a solution to this whole relationship dilemma that satisfies the need of both sexes."
"You'd make a good politician, " he said, not as a compliment. "You'te the type of guy who can't kill a fly,a bee, or a cockroach himself, but has no problem hiring an exterminator to kill a whole swarm of them."
"What's that supposed to mean"?
"It means, " he said, setting down his bottle of water, " that your ethics are fucked up."

We live in a society that likes to make clear-cut judgments between good and bad, right and wrong, succesful and unsuccesful.
But that is NOT how the universe works.
The universe does not judge. Since the dawn of time, it has operated on just two principles: the creative and the destructive. We have come to terms with the creative impulse - that, after all, is why we're here - but we live in fear of the detructive because that, one day, will be our reason for going.

I don't want to offer you any fancy advice and tell you that if you understand all of this your life will be better. There's another side to the game: the destructive side. And, the more succesful you are, the more you're going to rub against it. Especially since, more than any other instinct we have, the sexual impulse contains both the creative and the destructive.

The inspiration for this writing was the preceding series of conversations, which point to a seemingly irreconcilable disparity between the sexual and emotional needfs of men and women - not to mention a reluctance to admit and express them. They also underscore a similarity that transcends gender:
The fear of being alone - and the dramas and comedies that occur because, as the director Rainer Werner Fassbinder put it, "we were born to need each other, but we haven't learned how to live with each other."

So why did I write this all down? I have quit the game some time ago. It has given me good and bad, but in the end, it has messed up my own morals and ethics when it comes to relationships.

I try and loosely trace the metaphorical arc of a man's dating life, building toward the question that none of the pickup gurus I met while learning the game was able to answer:
What do you do after the orgasm?

Fiction writers are lucky: They can hide behind the flawed characters they create. Here, the only flawed character is me. In the process of approaching thousands of people to master the game and myself, the three engines driving my behavior - hereditary instincts, family upbringing, and social forces - came into constant conflict.

As a result, I hurt peoples feelings, made bad choices, took unhealthy risks, missed opportunities, and commited irreversible blunders.

I also had some amazing sex.
And therein lies the conflict.
From each of these experiences, Ive tried to extract a lesson. And that has not been easy.

Because some of these experiences never should have happened in the first place.

X

Pat.

The show must go on

Here I am again, my ass behind the pc. I started to hate computers lately. They are time-eaters. Passive time-eaters that just keep u seated in one place, for hours. Lifeless.

But thats not why I'm here. To whine :)
I'm here to tell U something else.

Stop reading my blogs and staying with your lazy ass in whatever office or on whatever couch you are, and...

TRAVEL

Guys, this is by far the most enriching experience I have had in my entire life. The amount of things you learn about people, the world and yourself is just massive.

I repeat again:

TRAVEL!!!!!!!

Divorce your wives, dump your girlfriends, find new tenants for your houses/appartments or whatever it is that you have, quit your jobs.... Do whatever it takes to do it. Just make sure you start before you are 30. I mean its never too late, but don't wait. PLEASE. It will make the experience so different then when you get older. Trust me.

Travel and taste the world. You will LOVE it. The first day I landed in Sydney i was wondering what the fuck am I doing here. Three, almost four months later, I understand it's purpose.

Travelling is my destiny.

And I need to find another half that is just like me on this to do it together. And maybe I will someday, hopefully. Cross my fingers.

I just left Ko Pah-Ngan after partying from half moon to full moon. 11 days. That island is insane. Its one big long party that just does not stop. And plenty of places to relax from it too. Little hidden paradise beaches here and there. Simply put: Perfection.

I think I have to mention Kyla, the craziest, funniest, most loveable and charming female traveller I have EVER met and probably ever will. I so enjoyed the time with you. Just luuved it :) She's the kind of person that radiates TONS of positive energy.
You gave me plenty of new energy to continue my trip. I needed to be around someone like that for a few days. Thanks for that babe. Respect :-)

I now moved on to Ko Tao, 1 and half hours away from party island(by boat).
Its time to do some diving and explore this little island too.

Can't wait for all the new adventures just waiting for me around every corner. I don't wanna stop travelling.

This is my food now. And if I don't eat, I will starve.

Love you guys.

Pat.

Paradise...?

Australia was a blast. I loved it. Amazingly friendly people, beautiful nature and ocean, awesome surfing, loads of sun, parties everywhere. And the amount of new friends made is massive.

Australia, I miss you. I really really do. I will be back, sooner then you might think :)

I'm in Thailand, Ko Pah-Ngan right now. One of the little islands in the South. The infamous full moon party island. We're staying in Haad Rin in a great resort called Coco Hut Resort for a few days, until after the full moon party.

I'm renting a Quad for a few days just checking out the island here and there. Beautiful places around here...shit...this actually does look like paradise. Amazing. Aside from the fact that there is no toilet paper anywhere unless you BYO (Bring Your Own) you have to use the little shower + hand, it's great seeing all of this :)

But then again I realised here what paradise really is.

It is not a 'place' you should look for.
It is being part of something you truly believe in.
Even if it's just for a moment.

Being in paradise ... it's a state of mind.

Love to all of you.

Pat.

Change of plans

So, due to a number of reasons (like weather conditions aka monsoons, friends being in certain places, full moon party and other external factors which I shall not further bore you with) I have modified my trip to fly straight to Bangkok from Bali and hit the bus and boat combo to Ko Pan Nang the same day. I should arrive in Bali on Tuesday, Bangkok on Wednesday and Ko Pan nang on Thursday morning if all goes well ( and it will go well).

And I still think Darwin sucks :)

Cheers !

The end of one thing is just the beginning of another

Where to start?

Good question coz it's been ages since I blogged.

I'm at the backbone of civilization.
I'm in Darwin.
Northern Territory. Australia.
Home of the aboriginals, the oldest people on this planet. Yes, even older than the Incas and the Mayas or the old Egyptians. Way older.

Exciting isn't it?

Well it's not.

How we see the world and experience things around us are mostly just a reflection of our own state of mind. I guess my state right now is just not what I would want it to be.
But that's good. It means I'm learning.

When I look around I see hordes of young people getting pissed and drunk each and every single day over and over again (Me being 28 means I'm OLD here). I see the aboriginals stumbling through the streets in their old, dirty and smelly clothes, unshaved beards and long hairs begging around for cigarettes or money...getting pissed and drunk too. I see no beautiful white beaches and nice people, but black dirty uninviting sands...and once U go in the water, it's all sharks, crocodiles and deadly jellyfish. So you stay out... On the land it's all English, Scottish and Irish getting as pissed as they can every single day. No offence, I have nothing against English, Scottish or Irish people but I'm a bit tired seeing the same thing over and over again. My room is filled with...that's right. Same thing. I wanna have my own room now. Just for ME and not 5 others getting pissed.

Don't I like Darwin then? As I said it's probably just a state of mind, but at this point I'd have to say I resent it. The only place I can go in the evening is sit at a bar and drink...I wanna walk on the beach with my feet in the water. See the sun go down and feel utterly relaxed. Have some rest from all the crowd.

I think it's time for something different for me now. Something exotic. Something magical. Time for a different culture, or better, some culture of any kind, just not drinking culture :-) 3 more days and I do the jump to Asia. Boy am I happy about it right now. I'll sink myself into the deep serenity of Hindu culture. Until I'm ready to party again ;-)

Let's go a few weeks back in time now and see what happened.

The Whitesunday Islands :-)

Probably one of the little gems here in Australia, these islands lie scattered around the northern eastcoast, just below the Great Barrier Reef. I spent three days on a sailing boat called "The Card" sailing between the island and visiting various beautiful snorkling spots. The trip was amazing. We visited some of the most beautiful beaches in the world on our trip. Stunning. Really the kind of places you wanna just be alone with your girlfriend sipping a delicious cocktail.
The group on the boat was ok, not even close to as good as on Fraser Island but it was fine. It was a time to relax a bit and enjoy the sailing. So that's what I did. The boat apparently used to be one of the fastest sailing boats in the world. A true Ocean Cruiser. Really really nice...
The only funny thing is you always have to wear a stinger suit when U go in the water. Going in with just your swimming is a no-go.

Why??

Irukandji. Little Tiny jellyfish, the size of a fingernail but DEADLY poisonous.

After the Whitesundays I travelled back South to Little Ozzie in Coolum, my Australian special girl. I spent almost twenty days there just chilling out with Little Ozzie and her MuM :-) It rained for almost two weeks tho. That bigtime sucked. On top of that I had a nasty cold AND an even nastier rash all over my body from using bad washingpowder, which I'm still struggling to get rid off. We didn't get to do too much coz of the rain and Ozzie having a normal life like work 'n stuff but I still had a great time. At least we made a visit to the Australian Zoo where we had lots of laughs hehe. No details :-) I hope you clear your head up from all the ghosts from the past and we get to see each other again soon Little Ozzie :-)

Onward from there I flew to Cairns, back North, where the rainseason just ended. The hostel I ended up at first was a complete shock after living for almost 3 weeks in a normal house.

Smelly little room with almost no place, and on top of that...empty. No roommates. I really needed some good company at the time leaving Little Ozzie but bad luck. So I booked a rafting trip for 1 day and a diving trip for 3 days. The rafting was great but the diving was amaaazing. I did my advanced open water certification while we stayed on the boat for three days. We saw pretty much everything there is to see underwater, ranging from sharks to turtles and sooo much more. The night dives were insanely cool, so was the photography and the deep dive. Next thing I wanna do is wreck diving ! I LOVE diving. It's insanely cool.

After the diving trip I moved to the Greenhouse; a really really nice hostel where I instantly met the right people and off we went to party and have fun in the city of Cairns. I love Cairns. Great town, really. Definitely a place I'm going back!

After about 5 days in Cairns and 3 days in the Reef I flew over to Darwin.

And so we come back to where I began. I guess I don't need to refresh your memory of what I think of this place?

Let's hope the following few days will be better because these are my last days in Australia :-)

I went to see a movie today in the local open air cinema, just to get away from the crowds of drunk people. Almost no backpackers there, just locals :) The movie was "Burn after Reading". Funny. I liked the movie a lot :)

My plane to Bali leaves on Tuesday at 7.30 pm. I just can't wait to get there. Time goes too slow now :) I'm thinking about going to the national parks here for a day but I wanna save money coz I still have a long way to go. Hmm dunno yet. Just want it to be Tuesday really quickly! hehe.

Peace out bro's 'n sistah's.

X

Summertime Whalewatching

Right now I'm in Airlie Beach. That's right. Where I am is irrelevant anyway. What matters is that I'm travelling and I feel fucking great.

We just got off Fraser Island after a 3 day safari sleeping in hot sweaty tents with 2 huge dutch guys. See facebook 4 pics. We were so too big for the little tents but at least we got so wasted that sleeping was no problem at all. :) Fraser was a blast! The driving was soooo much fun and I was pretty persistent at doing most of the driving and the group seemed happy with that.

Fraser is a beautiful little Island with nothing but jungle, jungle, beaches and beautiful lakes. Loved it. Lake Wabby was the greatest spot and the views there were mindblowing... Our group was great too and again I met shitloads of fun new people. My 2 personal favourites are Miss (Sophie) Love and Princess Anika with whom we went on to Airlie and partied for 2 more days. The highlight was Miss Love asking us out to dance, dressed up as a pirate and drunk as hell ;P Maybe it's good that U don't even remember hehe. Off course, we politely declined the dance :) Thank you so much for the hats girls!! We LUV them and wear them all the time :)

Im still stuck with Gert, the Dutchie, and he's stuck with me, but were naturals together, each doing our own thing but somehow it matches anyway so we just stick together.

Life is so good here. Tomorrow morning we head to the Whitsunday Islands for three days and once we get back we each go our own way. Me south, Gerth North.

Whitesunday is gonna be amazing .... I just cannot wait.

Airlie is full of beautiful whales btw. English whales mostly. You see them often at the McDonalds buying cheeseburgers, fries and other fat stuff after which they go to bake at the beach. Dear God! This is Whale Country! ;-)

I LOVE AUSTRALIA

I never wanna stop travelling :)

And to the people back home, enjoy the first rays of sunshine. I'm already so tanned that I can't get any more color :)

Big Big Kiss and so long

Pat.

well yeah...

That's right. I suck at this blogging. I can't get myself to sit in an internetcafe and write my blog. Most of the time it's so hot in these places anyway so all I do is upload pictures.

Australia is amazing. Byron Bay is a little gem on the East Coast. Skydiving was absolutely insane and so were many many more things. I got my open water diver certificate in Byron too and saw a looot of turtles and sharks on our dives. Diving is amazing too... The peace you find underwater is unmatched by anything else in the world.

Surfers Paradise was fun to see but thats it. Too many skyscrapers for me :)

I stayed in Noosa for 11 days due to some rainfall and had a bit too much party there. The surf festival kicked off 2 days before we left so we got a taste of that too. Felicia and Jani were still with us in Noosa (or we with them) but now we've all seperated to go our own ways. Im still travelling with Gerth(G-Money), the crazy Dutchie. The last remainings of surfcamp I guess. I hope to see some of you guys in Europe, if I ever go back. :)

Next up is Fraser island. The biggest sand island in the world. Supposed to be paradise so let's see bout that. Were gonna drive around a jeep there for 3 days and camp here and there on some of the nicest spots.

Oh yes, and then there's Little Ozzie. She's gonna mess up my plan but I don't really care if it gets messed up. But that one I keep to myself :-)


Peace out.