I'm all sweaty. It's on average 35 degrees and raining pretty much all day. After arriving with the night train in Bangkok I was dumped by the taxi driver in the wrong place somewhere in this monstrosity of a city. I decided to wrestle myself on foot through it, without a map or any idea where I'm going to the place I wanted to be. I finally arrived soaked in rain and sweat. But I arrived :) This city is madness and chaos. But I love it. I love the diversity of the different neighbourhoods, people, shops, smells. The hundreds of little stands all over the streets with everyone trying to sell you something. From clothes to viagra, movies, music, porn, animals, samurai swords, drugs or even guns. If you got the money, they got the stuff. And everything can be bought on the street.
Most people don't seem to speak English too well so communicating with Thai results in really funny shit at times. The amount of stuff to see here is overwhelming. I just try to absorb it, like a sponge you wildly throw into a bathtub before it actually starts sinking. There is no time for nice and slowly. Bangkok is not nice and slowly. Bangkok is a smack in the face after the islands of South Thailand. No, Bangkok is just a smack in the face. Period. But I've always liked big cities. It's where life runs at it's highest gear. It's where you taste civilization in it's wildest, most dedacent forms.
Two more nights and I'm off to Changmai. From there I will be doing a boat trip into Laos for tubing. Aye. But first some tracking in Changmai. Gotta get my visum fixed for Vietnam too before I hit Laos or Cambodja. Fuck.
It's starting to be a hell of ride. I feel the best is yet to come. With best I mean...
Madness.
Well, maybe with the exception of Full Moon since that was madness in itself.
After all, that's what I'm looking for.
Madness.
Cheers!
vrijdag 15 mei 2009
woensdag 13 mei 2009
Cakes were made to be eaten, not collected.
For some of you, what I am about to write might sound very disturbing. To others, very familiar.
If you are bothered at any point by what I am writing, then please read on. I just have to get some stuff off my chest now.
So here we go...
--------------------------
"What are your goals?" He asked.
"My goals"?
"Yeah, unless you know where you're going, you won't know how to get there."
"I guess my goal is quantity, quality and variety. My goal is to make out with women I just met, get blow jobs in club bathrooms, sleep with a different woman every night, and find myself in strange sexual adventures with multiple women."
He sat in silence, listening, so I continued. I'd never articulated it before, either out loud or to myself. This was several years ago, just after I discovered the Rosetta Stone of attraction in the form of an underground society of master pickup artists. "I want to corrupt young virgins, reawaken passions in bored housewives, seduce and be seduced by stars, students, centerfolds, busineswomen, and Tantric godesses. And then, from amongst these women, I will choose one to love."
"How will you know when you've found her?" He asked.
"I guess I'll just know, because I won't want to be with other women anymore."
"Well, that sounds like a good plan. And it makes sense to a certain point." I waited. I knew he was about to find the flaw in my logic.
"But what happens after a year or two years, and the sex isn't as exciting anymore? What happens if you have a child with her, and she becomes less available for you emotionally and sexually? What happens if you go through a rough patch and start fighting all the time?"
"If those things happened, I'd probably want to sleep with other women." I watched him as he lifted his legs off the floor and crossed them on the couch in a position of spiritual superiority.
"But I'd just have to control myself. I suppose I could think of other women like cigarettes. Even though I desired them, I would refrain from indulging because I'd know it was bad for the health of the relationship."
And then I waited for it, the inevitable question. He was a music producer, yet he never seemed to work. Instead, I'd meet him at his house in Brussels, and we'd spend hours discussing the meaning of life while his Indian houseboy brought us bottles of water and plates of vegan food.
"So, " he said, " you'd be okay spending the next fifty years sleeping with only one woman?"
He walked me into the weakness in my romantic strategy, and probably in most men's.
I love women's laughter.
I love their lips, their hips, their skin, their touch, the way their faces look when they're in the throes of sexual ecstacy. I love the way they nurture, feel, care, intuit, understand unconditionally.
I yearn to create that bubble of passion, which draws us into the moment and connects us to the energy of he universe. And I cherish, more than anything, the moment in bed right after the first time, when all that there is to hold on to has been given.
"Well that would be difficult for me, " I admitted. " Ideally I'd like to be able to have my cake and eat it."
"I think that's a reasonable request, " he said. " After all, cake was meant to be eaten. Who actually orders a cake, then doesn't touch it?
"So what you are saying is that there's a way to be in a commited, loving relationship, yet still sleep with other women??"
" I didn't say that. All I said is that there is a way to have a cake and eat it."
"How? Even a monogamous relationship is a challenge. That's why twenty-five percent of all crimes are domestic violence, that's why the divorce rate is fifty percent, that's why the majority of most men and woman have cheated. Maybe the relationship paradigm that's been forced on us by society isn't natural."
He looked at me disapprovingly.
I continued anyway.
"Even if you're faithful for those fifity years, you still may check out a woman walking by or leaf through a copy of Maxim or look for porn on the internet one night. And this IS going to make your partner feel like she's not enough for you."
"This is true. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're partner doesn't feel secure."
"Exactly. So, considering the the nature of men, how is it possible to make a woman feel secure in a relationship?"
"Probably by not wanting to have your cake and eat it, " he said.
"But that's not natural. You just said that cake was meant to be eaten."
"Well then, " he said, "you'll have to find a way to eat it without hurting someone you love."
I hated him sometimes. For being right.
In the days that followed, I sifted through the conversations in my mind, searching for answers. I talked to men and women everywhere I went, asking each the same question: " If you didn't have to worry about having children and you didn't need someone to take care of you when you were older, would you still get married?"
Most men said no. Most women said yes.
And that's when I realized that the traditional relationship model is defined by a woman's needs, not a man's.
Then I started asking a new question:
"Let's say you met someone, clicked on every possible level, and wanted to date this person. But the person said that after two years, he or she would disappear from your life forever and there was nothing you could do about it. Would you still date this person?"
Most women said no. Most men said yes - some even said the scenario would be ideal.
So where does that leave the "one woman, one man, happily ever after" myth that is the basis of our entire civilization? Apparently, on an unbalanced scale, because the natural insticts of men seem to be to alternate between periods of love relationships and periods of hedonistic bachelorhood, with some traumatized kids thrown in as an evolutionary imperative.
When I next met my friend, I shared my conclusion. "That's kind of sad way to live one's life, " he said.
"Yeah, and the problem is that's exactly how I've been living mine. Except for the kids part. I don't want to traumatize them, so I'm waiting until I figure out a solution to this whole relationship dilemma that satisfies the need of both sexes."
"You'd make a good politician, " he said, not as a compliment. "You'te the type of guy who can't kill a fly,a bee, or a cockroach himself, but has no problem hiring an exterminator to kill a whole swarm of them."
"What's that supposed to mean"?
"It means, " he said, setting down his bottle of water, " that your ethics are fucked up."
We live in a society that likes to make clear-cut judgments between good and bad, right and wrong, succesful and unsuccesful.
But that is NOT how the universe works.
The universe does not judge. Since the dawn of time, it has operated on just two principles: the creative and the destructive. We have come to terms with the creative impulse - that, after all, is why we're here - but we live in fear of the detructive because that, one day, will be our reason for going.
I don't want to offer you any fancy advice and tell you that if you understand all of this your life will be better. There's another side to the game: the destructive side. And, the more succesful you are, the more you're going to rub against it. Especially since, more than any other instinct we have, the sexual impulse contains both the creative and the destructive.
The inspiration for this writing was the preceding series of conversations, which point to a seemingly irreconcilable disparity between the sexual and emotional needfs of men and women - not to mention a reluctance to admit and express them. They also underscore a similarity that transcends gender:
The fear of being alone - and the dramas and comedies that occur because, as the director Rainer Werner Fassbinder put it, "we were born to need each other, but we haven't learned how to live with each other."
So why did I write this all down? I have quit the game some time ago. It has given me good and bad, but in the end, it has messed up my own morals and ethics when it comes to relationships.
I try and loosely trace the metaphorical arc of a man's dating life, building toward the question that none of the pickup gurus I met while learning the game was able to answer:
What do you do after the orgasm?
Fiction writers are lucky: They can hide behind the flawed characters they create. Here, the only flawed character is me. In the process of approaching thousands of people to master the game and myself, the three engines driving my behavior - hereditary instincts, family upbringing, and social forces - came into constant conflict.
As a result, I hurt peoples feelings, made bad choices, took unhealthy risks, missed opportunities, and commited irreversible blunders.
I also had some amazing sex.
And therein lies the conflict.
From each of these experiences, Ive tried to extract a lesson. And that has not been easy.
Because some of these experiences never should have happened in the first place.
X
Pat.
If you are bothered at any point by what I am writing, then please read on. I just have to get some stuff off my chest now.
So here we go...
--------------------------
"What are your goals?" He asked.
"My goals"?
"Yeah, unless you know where you're going, you won't know how to get there."
"I guess my goal is quantity, quality and variety. My goal is to make out with women I just met, get blow jobs in club bathrooms, sleep with a different woman every night, and find myself in strange sexual adventures with multiple women."
He sat in silence, listening, so I continued. I'd never articulated it before, either out loud or to myself. This was several years ago, just after I discovered the Rosetta Stone of attraction in the form of an underground society of master pickup artists. "I want to corrupt young virgins, reawaken passions in bored housewives, seduce and be seduced by stars, students, centerfolds, busineswomen, and Tantric godesses. And then, from amongst these women, I will choose one to love."
"How will you know when you've found her?" He asked.
"I guess I'll just know, because I won't want to be with other women anymore."
"Well, that sounds like a good plan. And it makes sense to a certain point." I waited. I knew he was about to find the flaw in my logic.
"But what happens after a year or two years, and the sex isn't as exciting anymore? What happens if you have a child with her, and she becomes less available for you emotionally and sexually? What happens if you go through a rough patch and start fighting all the time?"
"If those things happened, I'd probably want to sleep with other women." I watched him as he lifted his legs off the floor and crossed them on the couch in a position of spiritual superiority.
"But I'd just have to control myself. I suppose I could think of other women like cigarettes. Even though I desired them, I would refrain from indulging because I'd know it was bad for the health of the relationship."
And then I waited for it, the inevitable question. He was a music producer, yet he never seemed to work. Instead, I'd meet him at his house in Brussels, and we'd spend hours discussing the meaning of life while his Indian houseboy brought us bottles of water and plates of vegan food.
"So, " he said, " you'd be okay spending the next fifty years sleeping with only one woman?"
He walked me into the weakness in my romantic strategy, and probably in most men's.
I love women's laughter.
I love their lips, their hips, their skin, their touch, the way their faces look when they're in the throes of sexual ecstacy. I love the way they nurture, feel, care, intuit, understand unconditionally.
I yearn to create that bubble of passion, which draws us into the moment and connects us to the energy of he universe. And I cherish, more than anything, the moment in bed right after the first time, when all that there is to hold on to has been given.
"Well that would be difficult for me, " I admitted. " Ideally I'd like to be able to have my cake and eat it."
"I think that's a reasonable request, " he said. " After all, cake was meant to be eaten. Who actually orders a cake, then doesn't touch it?
"So what you are saying is that there's a way to be in a commited, loving relationship, yet still sleep with other women??"
" I didn't say that. All I said is that there is a way to have a cake and eat it."
"How? Even a monogamous relationship is a challenge. That's why twenty-five percent of all crimes are domestic violence, that's why the divorce rate is fifty percent, that's why the majority of most men and woman have cheated. Maybe the relationship paradigm that's been forced on us by society isn't natural."
He looked at me disapprovingly.
I continued anyway.
"Even if you're faithful for those fifity years, you still may check out a woman walking by or leaf through a copy of Maxim or look for porn on the internet one night. And this IS going to make your partner feel like she's not enough for you."
"This is true. You can't have a healthy relationship if you're partner doesn't feel secure."
"Exactly. So, considering the the nature of men, how is it possible to make a woman feel secure in a relationship?"
"Probably by not wanting to have your cake and eat it, " he said.
"But that's not natural. You just said that cake was meant to be eaten."
"Well then, " he said, "you'll have to find a way to eat it without hurting someone you love."
I hated him sometimes. For being right.
In the days that followed, I sifted through the conversations in my mind, searching for answers. I talked to men and women everywhere I went, asking each the same question: " If you didn't have to worry about having children and you didn't need someone to take care of you when you were older, would you still get married?"
Most men said no. Most women said yes.
And that's when I realized that the traditional relationship model is defined by a woman's needs, not a man's.
Then I started asking a new question:
"Let's say you met someone, clicked on every possible level, and wanted to date this person. But the person said that after two years, he or she would disappear from your life forever and there was nothing you could do about it. Would you still date this person?"
Most women said no. Most men said yes - some even said the scenario would be ideal.
So where does that leave the "one woman, one man, happily ever after" myth that is the basis of our entire civilization? Apparently, on an unbalanced scale, because the natural insticts of men seem to be to alternate between periods of love relationships and periods of hedonistic bachelorhood, with some traumatized kids thrown in as an evolutionary imperative.
When I next met my friend, I shared my conclusion. "That's kind of sad way to live one's life, " he said.
"Yeah, and the problem is that's exactly how I've been living mine. Except for the kids part. I don't want to traumatize them, so I'm waiting until I figure out a solution to this whole relationship dilemma that satisfies the need of both sexes."
"You'd make a good politician, " he said, not as a compliment. "You'te the type of guy who can't kill a fly,a bee, or a cockroach himself, but has no problem hiring an exterminator to kill a whole swarm of them."
"What's that supposed to mean"?
"It means, " he said, setting down his bottle of water, " that your ethics are fucked up."
We live in a society that likes to make clear-cut judgments between good and bad, right and wrong, succesful and unsuccesful.
But that is NOT how the universe works.
The universe does not judge. Since the dawn of time, it has operated on just two principles: the creative and the destructive. We have come to terms with the creative impulse - that, after all, is why we're here - but we live in fear of the detructive because that, one day, will be our reason for going.
I don't want to offer you any fancy advice and tell you that if you understand all of this your life will be better. There's another side to the game: the destructive side. And, the more succesful you are, the more you're going to rub against it. Especially since, more than any other instinct we have, the sexual impulse contains both the creative and the destructive.
The inspiration for this writing was the preceding series of conversations, which point to a seemingly irreconcilable disparity between the sexual and emotional needfs of men and women - not to mention a reluctance to admit and express them. They also underscore a similarity that transcends gender:
The fear of being alone - and the dramas and comedies that occur because, as the director Rainer Werner Fassbinder put it, "we were born to need each other, but we haven't learned how to live with each other."
So why did I write this all down? I have quit the game some time ago. It has given me good and bad, but in the end, it has messed up my own morals and ethics when it comes to relationships.
I try and loosely trace the metaphorical arc of a man's dating life, building toward the question that none of the pickup gurus I met while learning the game was able to answer:
What do you do after the orgasm?
Fiction writers are lucky: They can hide behind the flawed characters they create. Here, the only flawed character is me. In the process of approaching thousands of people to master the game and myself, the three engines driving my behavior - hereditary instincts, family upbringing, and social forces - came into constant conflict.
As a result, I hurt peoples feelings, made bad choices, took unhealthy risks, missed opportunities, and commited irreversible blunders.
I also had some amazing sex.
And therein lies the conflict.
From each of these experiences, Ive tried to extract a lesson. And that has not been easy.
Because some of these experiences never should have happened in the first place.
X
Pat.
maandag 11 mei 2009
The show must go on
Here I am again, my ass behind the pc. I started to hate computers lately. They are time-eaters. Passive time-eaters that just keep u seated in one place, for hours. Lifeless.
But thats not why I'm here. To whine :)
I'm here to tell U something else.
Stop reading my blogs and staying with your lazy ass in whatever office or on whatever couch you are, and...
TRAVEL
Guys, this is by far the most enriching experience I have had in my entire life. The amount of things you learn about people, the world and yourself is just massive.
I repeat again:
TRAVEL!!!!!!!
Divorce your wives, dump your girlfriends, find new tenants for your houses/appartments or whatever it is that you have, quit your jobs.... Do whatever it takes to do it. Just make sure you start before you are 30. I mean its never too late, but don't wait. PLEASE. It will make the experience so different then when you get older. Trust me.
Travel and taste the world. You will LOVE it. The first day I landed in Sydney i was wondering what the fuck am I doing here. Three, almost four months later, I understand it's purpose.
Travelling is my destiny.
And I need to find another half that is just like me on this to do it together. And maybe I will someday, hopefully. Cross my fingers.
I just left Ko Pah-Ngan after partying from half moon to full moon. 11 days. That island is insane. Its one big long party that just does not stop. And plenty of places to relax from it too. Little hidden paradise beaches here and there. Simply put: Perfection.
I think I have to mention Kyla, the craziest, funniest, most loveable and charming female traveller I have EVER met and probably ever will. I so enjoyed the time with you. Just luuved it :) She's the kind of person that radiates TONS of positive energy.
You gave me plenty of new energy to continue my trip. I needed to be around someone like that for a few days. Thanks for that babe. Respect :-)
I now moved on to Ko Tao, 1 and half hours away from party island(by boat).
Its time to do some diving and explore this little island too.
Can't wait for all the new adventures just waiting for me around every corner. I don't wanna stop travelling.
This is my food now. And if I don't eat, I will starve.
Love you guys.
Pat.
But thats not why I'm here. To whine :)
I'm here to tell U something else.
Stop reading my blogs and staying with your lazy ass in whatever office or on whatever couch you are, and...
TRAVEL
Guys, this is by far the most enriching experience I have had in my entire life. The amount of things you learn about people, the world and yourself is just massive.
I repeat again:
TRAVEL!!!!!!!
Divorce your wives, dump your girlfriends, find new tenants for your houses/appartments or whatever it is that you have, quit your jobs.... Do whatever it takes to do it. Just make sure you start before you are 30. I mean its never too late, but don't wait. PLEASE. It will make the experience so different then when you get older. Trust me.
Travel and taste the world. You will LOVE it. The first day I landed in Sydney i was wondering what the fuck am I doing here. Three, almost four months later, I understand it's purpose.
Travelling is my destiny.
And I need to find another half that is just like me on this to do it together. And maybe I will someday, hopefully. Cross my fingers.
I just left Ko Pah-Ngan after partying from half moon to full moon. 11 days. That island is insane. Its one big long party that just does not stop. And plenty of places to relax from it too. Little hidden paradise beaches here and there. Simply put: Perfection.
I think I have to mention Kyla, the craziest, funniest, most loveable and charming female traveller I have EVER met and probably ever will. I so enjoyed the time with you. Just luuved it :) She's the kind of person that radiates TONS of positive energy.
You gave me plenty of new energy to continue my trip. I needed to be around someone like that for a few days. Thanks for that babe. Respect :-)
I now moved on to Ko Tao, 1 and half hours away from party island(by boat).
Its time to do some diving and explore this little island too.
Can't wait for all the new adventures just waiting for me around every corner. I don't wanna stop travelling.
This is my food now. And if I don't eat, I will starve.
Love you guys.
Pat.
dinsdag 5 mei 2009
Paradise...?
Australia was a blast. I loved it. Amazingly friendly people, beautiful nature and ocean, awesome surfing, loads of sun, parties everywhere. And the amount of new friends made is massive.
Australia, I miss you. I really really do. I will be back, sooner then you might think :)
I'm in Thailand, Ko Pah-Ngan right now. One of the little islands in the South. The infamous full moon party island. We're staying in Haad Rin in a great resort called Coco Hut Resort for a few days, until after the full moon party.
I'm renting a Quad for a few days just checking out the island here and there. Beautiful places around here...shit...this actually does look like paradise. Amazing. Aside from the fact that there is no toilet paper anywhere unless you BYO (Bring Your Own) you have to use the little shower + hand, it's great seeing all of this :)
But then again I realised here what paradise really is.
It is not a 'place' you should look for.
It is being part of something you truly believe in.
Even if it's just for a moment.
Being in paradise ... it's a state of mind.
Love to all of you.
Pat.
Australia, I miss you. I really really do. I will be back, sooner then you might think :)
I'm in Thailand, Ko Pah-Ngan right now. One of the little islands in the South. The infamous full moon party island. We're staying in Haad Rin in a great resort called Coco Hut Resort for a few days, until after the full moon party.
I'm renting a Quad for a few days just checking out the island here and there. Beautiful places around here...shit...this actually does look like paradise. Amazing. Aside from the fact that there is no toilet paper anywhere unless you BYO (Bring Your Own) you have to use the little shower + hand, it's great seeing all of this :)
But then again I realised here what paradise really is.
It is not a 'place' you should look for.
It is being part of something you truly believe in.
Even if it's just for a moment.
Being in paradise ... it's a state of mind.
Love to all of you.
Pat.
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